My Virtual Soap Box
One of those nights
Have you ever had one of those evening?
You know the ones. Middle of summer television, your friends are all out doing things without you, you’re in no mood to do anything constructive, your hand is not in the mood, you’re too tired to read, and going to bed right now would mean stareing at the ceiling for 3 hours.
You are so board you could just scream.
Naaarrrrggggghhhh!!!
Food is the answer. The only thing that can help an evening like this, make the reruns seem more entertaining, is the muchies. Pizza. Tacos, tacos are good. Burgers, potato chips, popcorn, cake, nachos, some pie, peanuts, ice cream, candy… anything really.
The problem is, you have nothing in your kitchen.
Going out seems wrong. While Taco Bell seems like the perfect answer, its also admitting something about yourself.
Pizza is just as bad. Sure, no one will see you, but it costs three times what burgers would, and you know you’re just going to sit there and eat the entire pie.
So you head to the cupboards.
Lets see what we have. The first spice to jump out at you is tarragon. There is a can of lima beans. How do you run out of peanut butter? Rice. At 11 cents a package, there is always noodle soup of some variety. You don’t remember buying the sardines. A jar of spaghetti sauce. You have three month old rice cakes, and a loaf of bread that is taking on a life of its own.
None of this seems like it would do the trick.
Maybe the TV will prove a little more entertaining now.
They run commercials for an Italian restaurant, Burger King, and Chef Boyardee back to back.
Your imagination kicks in.
Could the rice cakes actually be that old? Would the lima beans work over rice? I don’t think I could stand another bowl of noodles. Maybe the bread isn’t quite as moldy as it looked. I bet with a little red pepper, I could do a Cajun thing with the sardines. Wait a minute, I could pretend the noodle soup is angle hair pasta. You remember there are peas in the freezer. And there is always that jar of spaghetti sauce.
Hey, this is actually sounds appetizing.
The kitchen beckons.
Frying pan. The first impulse is to douse it with olive oil, but of course the sardines are 80% oil to begin with, so you put the bottle back. Got to consider cholesterol
You turn the stove to full power.
The fish goes in a bowl with a generous amount of cayenne pepper. After mixing, it is decided to let it sit for a little while. Marinate.
Boiling water is next. Its not long before the noodles hit the water. You discard the flavor packet. Only three minutes to pasta.
You look over to see the frying pan smoking. Should be hot enough. In goes the fish. A happy sizzle sound is your reward. The spatchula keeps it from hardening to the pan.
Time to dig out the peas.
I think the colander is under the sink. Time to drain the noodles.
While your spilling boiling water all over the place you look over.
The frying pan as caught fire.
The spaghetti sauce to the rescue. The almost liquid douses the flames. The peas, still frozen, soon follow.
The end is near.
The noodles hit a plate.
You see the sauce has started to caramelize. It must be done too. This muck goes over the noodles.
The reddish brown color looks all right, but the smell is wrong.
Garlic.
A healthy sprinkling of garlic powder solves the aroma situation.
You stare down at the steaming concoction its taken 30 minuets to whip up. Welp, better try it before it starts to harden.
Fork, plate; plate, mouth.
Chew.
Swallow. Not quite what you had envisioned
Fork, plate; plate, mouth.
Chew.
Nope, that first bite was representative of the entire mound.
This swallow isn’t quite as easy.
Despite the fact that something inside of you is crying out "Simulation! Quick eat it while its still hot!" you decide the plate is best left unchallenged.
The mess goes down the garbage disposal. The dishes can wait until morning.
Once more you tip toe near the edge of the abyss.
Maybe there is a movie on I haven’t seen 14 times already…
